Help? Call Charlie! Björk VS. Sigmundur Davíð, Post Offices, Cutest Cat In Iceland & More

Charlie’s back with more answers (and opinions)

My God! So many of you need so much help! Worry not! The Grapevine has asked me to do my best at answering your questions.

Seeking advice about the future? Problems with lovers? Just have something you need to get off your chest? Call Charlie!

Tony asks: How far can we go to defend ourselves should a pickpocket attempt to steal from us?

Tony, my man, why are you so worried about pickpockets?
*I’m rummaging around your bag*
This is Iceland, Tony, no one is going to take anything from you.
*I’m stealing your snacks*
And also like, stopping a pickpocket is like super illegal or whatever.
*I’m just gonna leave now*

Ceri asks: Why do many Icelanders who are over 40 sometimes “inhale” Já when they are listening to you tell a tale?

Once an Icelander hits the age of 40, something changes within the makeup of their biology. Years on this god-forsaken island have turned them into wraiths. They subsist on the souls of foreigners and tourists to keep them alive in this vast, empty, and cold wasteland. They begin to suck out your soul with every “Já”, every “Jæja”, and especially with every “nei, í alvöru?”

Ian asks: Who would win in a fight, Björk or Sigmundur Davíð?

Now this is a tough one! To my knowledge, Björk is mostly familiar with a good sword and shield duo, while Simmi boy is more of a greataxe man. One has to compensate, you know. The defense-offense combo (technically known as a doffence) that Björk uses definitely grants her an advantage in close-quarters combat. However, Simmi is surprisingly nimble, able to dodge and avoid even the strongest of allegations, so he might just be able to keep Björk at a distance.

It’s anyone’s game really.

Frank asks: Got a message from the post office saying that they’re closing the Hafnarfjörður office. What do you think will happen when they close the last post offices in Reykjavik?

Frank, I’ll be honest, I don’t know. But send me a letter when you find out, will ya?

Elizabeth asks: How can one get a job working for you?

Ian adds: How can two people get jobs working for you?

Ben further adds: Me three, please

C.M. answers: Thunder Dome in the parking lot!

31st of June, high noon, Kringlan parking lot upper floor, bring your own weapons.

See you there.

Luke: Who is the cutest cat in Iceland, and why is it this guy?

OOOOOOOH! It IS that guyyy. Look at himnnn. He’s so cuuute. He so cuddlyyyy. I just want to eeaaat him upppp. I want to consumeeee his cat essenceeee. I want to squishhhhhh him down in an adorable littol hydraulic presssss and bottle him up and use him as perfumeeeeee just like in the movie Perfume: Story of a Murderer.

Well, once again, we are out of time for questions. Check out the Grapevine Facebook page to try and get your questions answered for the next issue!

But an important note, some comments on the Facebook page may have created some confusion about where I stand on certain topical issues, as I chose not to give those questions a platform. So, here is the answer to your questions:

Free Palestine, Free Palestine, Free Palestine!

Charlie out

Bless bless

Need help? Got a hot tip? Seen a pelican? Send them our way at grapevine@grapevine.is. We’ll make sure Charlie sees them.

The post Help? Call Charlie! Björk VS. Sigmundur Davíð, Post Offices, Cutest Cat In Iceland & More appeared first on The Reykjavik Grapevine.