Well, You Asked: Get Your Avocados in Tenerife, Birthday Boy

Why are avocados so expensive?

It’s the price for coolness and chiqué, my friend. The ultimate freshness on toast requires a tribute and that tribute is attached to a lot of water. Seriously, A LOT of water. Jeez. I mean, the environmental factor alone. (*shiver*). Oh. And inflation. Shit be pricey these days.

What’s with Tenerife?

Ah yes, the Icelandic home away from home. A small volcanic island that draws in a lot of tourists. What can I say, Icelanders like their comfort zone but once in a while you gotta show something else on your insta stories. Something nice and fancy but maybe not too fancy and unfamiliar. Everybody gets to be the tourist sometimes, okay?

What’s the best place to celebrate a birthday?

Easy. Abandoned Asylum. Privacy. Lots of free shit. Space. The remnants of mistreated souls joining in to party hard. Real hard. You can get totally bonkers with the decorations, too. You can also play all kinds of party games like Blindman’s Buff on hard mode or pin the stray jacket on the birthday looney. Have fun and go crazy coming to terms with the unraveling of time.