Culture
Football
Meet the Smiters: Ragnar “Shaggy Breeches” Sigurðsson

Meet the Smiters: Ragnar “Shaggy Breeches” Sigurðsson

Published March 5, 2018

Ragnar Sigurðsson is a burly blockade at the rear-end of strákarnir okkar (“our boys”), and a fierce defender of national pride. As a living reincarnation of his Viking namesake, Ragnar “Loðbrók” (“Shaggy Breeches”) Sigurðsson, this modern-day Ragnar is supposedly so patriotic that as part of his recent transfer, he insisted new club FC Rostov serve a ‘Viking’ option in the club canteen. At lunchtime on his first day, the smell of putrefied skate pervaded the club grounds and was judged to be so disgraceful that four of his teammates handed in transfer requests.

“As part of his master plan to establish a global Norse theocracy, Ragnar suggested that Queen Elizabeth II should be replaced by Þór.”

Carving out his career at Fylkir, Ragnar then raided around Scandinavia, first for IFK Göteborg in Sweden, then Copenhagen in Denmark. In 2014, he moved to Russian club Krasnodar and after notching the equaliser in Iceland‘s unholy 2-1 smiting of England at Euro 2016, he invaded the nation by signing for Fulham. As part of his master plan to establish a global Norse theocracy, Ragnar suggested that Queen Elizabeth II should be replaced by Þór as a mythological head of state, but was grassed up by Scott Parker and exiled to Russia again with Rubin Kazan.

It would be naive to suggest that Ragnar‘s time in Russia is a mere coincidence, though, given his reputation as a political schemer. Having embedded himself in the Russian psyche, it will be the “Kings Of Skulls’” job to twist the knife when the time comes, which—considering Russia’s penchant for unsportsmanlike conduct in recent years—will probably have to be in the World Cup final.

Age: 31
Hometown: Reykjavík
Club: FC Rostov
Position: Centre back
Special Skills: Leading sieges, preaching, skewering attackers, liking rotten fish
Nicknames: ‘Shaggy Breeches,’ ‘The Righteous,’ ‘King Of Skulls,’ ‘The Arch Machiave’

Read more football coverage here. Get yourself a World Cup “Smite The World” T-shirt here.


Culture
Football
Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

by

Having recovered from the berserk mushroom induced freakout that led to a 6-0 pounding at the hands of the scampering

Culture
Football
Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

by

Iceland’s national football team was thrashed 6-0 by Switzerland today in their first game at the brand new UEFA Nation’s

Culture
Football
A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

by and

As the Icelandic Valkyries’ World Cup hopes are shipwrecked, a new era begins for the men under Swedish coach Erik

Culture
Football
The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

by and

After a fascinating World Cup tournament reached its finale, the Icelandic men’s team are regrouping for some coming tournaments, while

Culture
Football
Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

by

Heimir Hallgrímsson, the head coach of the mens A group of the Icelandic National Football Team will not continue in

Culture
Football
#SmiteTheWorld: A Recap Of Iceland’s World Cup Adventure

#SmiteTheWorld: A Recap Of Iceland’s World Cup Adventure

by and

And that, as they say, is that. Iceland’s World Cup run was short, but glorious. Their incident-packed week in the

Show Me More!