How to Survive a Recession

As seemingly amusing as it may be that people would need rescuing from a catastrophe taking place only in their minds, that is sometimes the case. When you think about it a recession is not a “real” problem like a flood or an earthquake or a ravenous polar bear ravaging the Icelandic countryside. It’s simply an idea, an idea that the real gross domestic product is declining and yet it has the power to destroy lives. Unless you’re a stock-broker or investment-banker or somebody else whose profession is not to create something of any value but rather just move around other people’s accumulated value, a recession will not immediately seem like a big deal. Not until the fat cats who caused the recession with their incessant scheming “have to” raise the prices without raising your wages. But with these helpful tips you’ll be able to turn the economic crash into an economic dive… into a bed of fluffy flowers.

ONE
Walk. A car costs money, gasoline costs money and gym membership costs money. By walking you can cut all these cost factors out of the equation. You can also lower the cost and still get around quickly and in style by buying a bicycle or skateboard.

TWO
Cook your own food. You only have to pay for the ingredients and you develop your culinary skills in the process. A win-win situation.

THREE
Stop drinking. Alcohol costs far too much in Iceland and is, in practical terms, a complete waste of money. The government which uses the nation’s taxes to save the banks which have been robbing Icelanders dry also profit from keeping you at the bottom of the bottle by taxing alcohol heavily. If however you can’t bring yourself to stop drinking, there is always the possibility of brewing you own batch which I, however, would of course never advise due to legal restrictions.

FOUR
Have sex. Sex is a truly amazing thing. No matter how often you do it, it never gets old. A condom also costs approximately 100 ISK but a trip to the cinema costs 1.000 ISK. You do the math.

FIVE
Don’t have children. Other than being dirty, noisy and obnoxious, children are also surprisingly expensive. Sending your children to sweatshops to work for you is also illegal so that pretty much means that the chances of you making money off your kids is slim to none, unless your children are the Jackson 5 that is.

SIX
Stay away from politics. There is no time more dangerous for politicians than when their country is doing badly. Not that people are ever happy with their government but it just increases the risk of bad things happening to you if you have a whole country of people holding you accountable for everything wrong with their lives.

So go out and smile mischievously to yourself as you bicycle care-free past everyone having a sissy-fit about negative real economic growth. After all, it’s all in their heads.