Getting To Know You

Hi, Iceland! Is it okay if I call you “Iceland?” I hope so.
I don’t know a lot about you yet, but I’m looking forward to seeing what you’re all about. I mean, I’m not completely ignorant. I know all the usual stuff people know about your country. I know that you have a population of roughly 300.000. I know that instead of using surnames, you uphold the Norse tradition of naming people after the woodland creature they most resemble. I know that your life expectancy is one of the highest in the world, thanks to all the Coca-Cola you drink. I also know that your country is eco-friendly and that your main energy source is Björk. What an amazing place! I’m looking forward to visiting and learning more.
That’s right, Icy. I’m coming to your country! Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Please don’t call us Icy” and “Who the heck are you?” Fair enough, Iceland. Let me introduce myself.
My name is DeAnne Smith, and I’m an acclaimed international stand up comedian. I am also a woman in my thirties who lives in a basement and believes opening a can of tuna is “cooking,” but let’s focus on the positive here, shall we? I’m not sure which of my extensive accomplishments will impress you most, so I will present a few here in bullet point form:
• I am currently nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award
• My solo show, ‘About Freakin’ Time,’ was nominated for Australia’s prestigious Barry Award in 2011
• I own a computer
• I have performed comedy in Canada, the U.S., Australia, Scotland, England, and Amsterdam
• I know how to make tea
• UK’s The Telegraph recently called me “smart” and “very funny,” giving my current show a four star rating (that’s really good, you guys)
• I once almost completed a Sudoku puzzle
As you can probably see, Iceland, it makes a lot of sense for us to get to know each other. I mean, you’re awesome. I’m awesome. We have a lot in common. Plus, I heard that you don’t have an army, a navy, or an air force. Hey, guess what? Me neither! Man, we are going to have so much to talk about.
Where are we going to do all this talking, I hear you silently asking yourselves, in a language I don’t understand but which I know is full of adorable accent marks and that thing where As and Es meld together like some kind of freakish vowel superhero. I’ll tell you where, Iceland! I’ll be performing on September 7 at a place called Sódóma Reykjavík.
I can’t wait to meet you. And I hope you can’t wait to meet “brilliant,” “effortlessly charming” and “hilarious” me. (Those are actual quotes, from actual comedy critics. I’ve also been called “selfish” and “self-centred,” but only by my ex-girlfriend, who is not an actual comedy critic.) I’m really looking forward to seeing you at the show. Because if you don’t come, the only people there will be me and my one Icelandic friend, Rökkvi Vésteinsson. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy.

See you on September 7!