Speedrunning Therapy: Charlie Is Thera-pissed

You’ve been sitting in this ugly room for roughly an hour. You’ve rambled about your problems at work and personal life. Five minutes before your appointment is up the therapist asks you about your relationship with your father. You scream. This isn’t helping and it’s going to cost a fortune.

Hi, Charlie here, and if you’re anything like me, you need therapy. Mental health is important and therapy is fucking expensive. You might be finding it difficult to get the help you need in Iceland. As a mentally broken, financially broke individual, I too have struggled. But today I’ll share my own experiences with therapy in Iceland so you can get the FASTEST results for the CHEAPEST price. Time to speedrun therapy. Let’s go.

First let’s talk about style. You got your psychologists who talk to you about you being sad, and psychiatrists who dole out those sweet sweet drugs to get you through the day.

“As a mentally broken, financially broke individual, I too have struggled but today I will share my own experiences with therapy in Iceland so you can get the FASTEST results for the CHEAPEST price.”

On the psychology side, there’s the classic Freud movie therapy where they sit you down and ask about your parents. There’s art therapy where you make reflective creations. But I can’t draw for shit and nothing crushes my ego quite like a horrifying attempt at a self-portrait. There’s crystal therapy, where they lay you down, get some rocks and ask you to dream. My mom thinks it turned me gay (that isn’t a joke). And finally, you have the purest form of Icelandic therapy: going to the pool and waiting naked in the changing rooms so you can trauma dump the first person you make direct eye contact with. The latter I do not recommend.

Regarding getting access to psychiatry in Iceland, that can be a lot harder. I personally know the struggle of being on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist for over a year. This is because the three psychiatrists that probably inhabit the island are busy (keep calm and remind yourself that this is still the most doctors per capita). You could also go to Kleppur, or “get the Klepp,” as I like to say. For those not in the know, Kleppur is the Icelandic equivalent of Arkham Asylum back in the day. I didn’t even know it was a big deal until people started audibly gasping when I told them I was visiting. The stigma is bullshit and Kleppur does good work. Getting the Klepp should not be a big deal.

It’s important to remember that while I am a joke, mental health is not. People struggle with these invisible issues every day and it can be difficult, so here are some of the places that have been able to help me.

The Red Cross Helpline at 1717 is wonderful and just a phone call away. I’ve never had problems with them and they listen to whatever I want to spew on about patiently, even at 2 a.m. They can also help get you in touch with and find other resources to help you. Call them, it’s free.

The University of Iceland Counselling. If you’re a student, the university offers free counselling and if not there’s also therapy given by psychology students for cheap. We’re talkin’ like 2,000 ISK a session level cheap. The psychology students are a little green, but (good news) if they fuck up, they fail the class.

Samtökin 78: If you’re queer and sad, the National Queer Organisation of Iceland offers counselling on site or online.

Support Groups: Even with a small population, there are support groups for almost everything in Iceland and it’s only one Google search or Facebook search away.

Good luck, and I’ll see you in the waiting room.

Want more of Charlie Winters’ musings in your life? Read more here.