Help? Call Charlie!

Charlie’s here to answer your questions — big or small!

Hey there! Charlie here. The Grapevine has informed me that so many of you lost souls have questions. So, I’ve come to help!

Seeking advice about the future? Problems with lovers? Just have something you need to get off your chest? Call Charlie!

LJoanne writes, “Any solutions/suggestions on what to do about our out-of-control USA president?”

I don’t really know what’s going on in the U.S. I’ve been under the biggest rock you can imagine since early November. I don’t really know who the president is right now. I hope everything is going well over there, though. I mean, even if it was bad, how bad could it really be? I like the Marvel movies, though. They’re pretty good.

Christine asks, “What will be ‘the NEXT BIG THING’?”

(Please read this next section, in the worst pirate voice you can do.)

Arrr, the NEXT BIG THING? We barely survived this un’ lad. Ye haven’t had yer fill o’ giant squid?

Yer’ beggin for a kraken? God’s lad, I signed up to be on deck for the employment benefits, not to be facin’ the next big thing. So, keep yer’ trap shut and don’t be suggestin’ anythin’ to the others now. Or it’ll be mutiny before days’ end.

Ian writes, “Why is Bjarni Ben? Just… why?”

I dream of him often, you know. In my altered memories, he is an old enemy, a rival, a confidante, and sometimes even a lover. In my dreams, on those chilly August nights, we laugh over bottles of Pinot Noir at Lover’s Peak over by Perlan. He turns to me on those silent nights, puts his coarse hand on mine, and says, “I’m going to be prime minister one day.”

“Shhh, be quiet, my square-jawed lover,” I whisper, my finger running down his mouth. “One day you will be prime minister, but today you form a coalition with me.”

…

Uhmm, wait, what was the question?

Paul writes, “Here in Galveston, Texas, USA, we have pelicans. They glide by in the sky with as many as 25 or more in a line, hardly flapping their wings. So calming! If I can’t see pelicans, puffins will always provide the same effect. Thanks for the pic.”

Wow! That’s amazing, Paul! I love pelicans. But I’ll be honest, when you first posted this response on Facebook, I scoffed. This was no question. How can I give advice on this? But, I was curious, and so I contacted you by direct message. Not only were you kind enough to respond, but you were also willing to go to the beach and take videos of pelicans for me multiple times.

My heart can’t take it, Paul, you are sickeningly sweet. And those pelicans are truly majestic.

The next time I see puffins, you’re getting pictures.

There’s no joke, no bit, no haha funnies, I just wanna share how much I love Paul and his pelicans.

Well, that’s all the help we have time for this month. But don’t you fret! We’ll be looking forward to helping you soon. If you have any questions, send them over to the Grapevine, and I will see if I can come around to give you a hand.

Bless bless.

Love,

Charlie

Need help? Got a hot tip? Seen a pelican? Send them our way at grapevine@grapevine.is. We’ll make sure Charlie sees them.

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