Cortes

It was recently explained to me, when having dinner in a nice restaurant, that a ram’s testicle is best eaten “when in season”. I took this to mean that the delicacy should be consumed when the ram was about to embark on mission to impregnate anything that moves over the next month, which would cause its balls to load up for the “season”. Then I imagined the most disgusting thing I could almost possibly ever conceive: eating a ram’s bollock, (“it’s really tasty”), and having its putrid organ enter my mouth and slide down my throat like a perverted, rotten oyster. Unfortunately this wasn’t quite the most unpleasant thing my warped mind could think of as I’d heard this album earlier in the day. Whilst ‘When You Say You Love Me’ has something vaguely resembling opera liberally splashed, the other tracks are mostly covers and trad songs (including a truly dire Lionel Richie number and Charles Aznavour’s ‘She’) which are unimaginatively produced and poor in execution.

THE VERDICT Fancy voice but what a syrupy, inane cover-laden waste of time and plastic. Do not buy it unless you hate yourself, your neighbours, your pets and your family.