Mag
Opinion
Don’t Ask Nanna: About Viking Reparations

Don’t Ask Nanna: About Viking Reparations

Published October 7, 2016

Hey Nanna,

I read that when the Vikings raided Ireland they killed all the men and kidnapped the tall beautiful women so today 80% of Icelandic women have mainly Irish blood while the men are 90% Norwegian blood. Should the Icelanders not compensate Irish men?

Pot o’ Gold

Hey Pot o’ Gold,

Well first of all, I’m really taken aback by your excellent grasp of the differences between female and male blood. It’s hard to find people who really understand how asexual reproduction, genetics and biology work.

Secondly, I’m impressed by your command of the concept of reparations. I completely agree with you, naturally.

Irish women, whom you don’t know and are not related to, who were kidnapped and raped a millennium ago, entitle you, as an Irish man, to rape the Icelandic descendants of said women. Women whom you, incidentally, also don’t know and who clearly have no agency and can be ordered to sleep with anyone the government decrees.

It’s only fair! Icelandic women’s ancestors were YOUR ancestor’s property first! IT’S SIMPLE LOGIC.

Nanna

Nanna,

With a patronymic naming system, what do you do when two people have the same exact name?

Robert’s son

Hey Robert’s son,

We do the same thing English people do when there are two people called John Smith.

Attempt to process the fact that two people can exist and occupy space within the boundaries of our dimension, with the same name, at the same time, without actually being the same person.

I know it’s a big ask to expect something like that of the human mind, but by Odin’s Good Eye we give it our best go!

Did you know there are like four other Nanna Árnadóttirs? Sometimes I don’t even know who I am. It boggles the mind.

#TheStruggleIsReal

Nanna

Hey Nanna,

What are the rules on smoking in public places? Can I vape?

Puff Puff

Hey Power Puff (couldn’t resist, sorry),

You can’t smoke inside public places like restaurants and bars yada yada. You can exercise your right to not be an asshole by smoking downwind of others.

As for vaping, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe some places you can, maybe some places you can’t.

If it’s not too much trouble, you might gather the strength to ask your bartender/waiter/person seated next to you before you… I don’t know, do you light a vape? Toke it? I’m not down with the cool kids, I’ve got no idea what the slang is. Turn on the cigarette robot?

Nanna

Do you want to ask Nanna a question? Go ahead, but continue at your peril. Shoot her an email on nanna.arnadottir@gmail.com or tweet her using @NannaArnadottir


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